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#542451 --- 03/16/07 02:56 AM To all of us Irish
reilley Offline
Silver Member

Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 11744
Loc: between here and there
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one." unfortunatly the parking meter was stuck on "EXPIRED."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, " Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

" Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O' T oole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. " They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding inConnecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, " Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed .

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
_________________________
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#543448 --- 03/17/07 10:25 PM Re: To all of us Irish [Re: reilley]
Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 17154
Mrs. Murphy gave a party
Just about a week ago.
Everything was plentiful,
The Murphys, they're not slow.
They treated us like gentlemen;
We tried to act the same,
If it weren't for what happened...
Well, it was a doggone shame.
When Mrs. Murphy dished the chowder out,
She fainted on the spot;
She found a pair of overalls
At the bottom of the pot.
McGinty, he got roaring mad,
His eyes were bulging out,
He jumped onto the piano
And loudly he did shout:

"Who threw the overalls
In Mrs. Murphy's chowder?"
Nobody spoke, so he
Shouted all the louder.
"It's a rotten trick that's true,
I can lick the drip that threw
The overalls in Mrs. Murphy's chowder."

They dragged the pants from out the soup
And laid them on the floor;
Each man swore upon his life,
He'd ne'er seen them before.
They were plastered up with mortar
And had patches on the knee,
They'd had their many ups and downs
As we could plainly see.
And when Mrs. Murphy, she came to,
She b'gan to cry and pout,
She'd put them in the wash that day
And forgot to pull them out.
McGinty, he excused himself
For what he said that night,
So we put music to the words
And sang with all our might:

"Who threw the overalls
In Mrs. Murphy's chowder?"
Nobody spoke, so we
Shouted all the louder.
"It's a rotten trick that's true,
And we'll lick the drip that threw
The overalls in Mrs. Murphy's chowder."

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