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#1252159 --- 02/04/11 06:57 PM Hairs standing up on my neck need input.....
Let's be frank Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 202
Loc: NY
Let's say there is a school trip (overnight with chaperones) - and that it costs, but let's say we can't afford it. Hypothetically let's say we have a daughter of teen age. Hypothetically let's say one of her male teachers called her aside from all others and said "I know your parents can't pay for this trip but there are still 1-2 spaces" and you could go for free because it would be great if really "cool" (that's what she said HE said) kids like you could go.

My gut feeling is that my antenae as a parent went UP! If it had been a female teacher, I think my wife and I would've thought "OK"....am I wrong to be suspicious?

Would appreciate your input. Meanwhile - have thought to give an excuse why she can't go; don't want to make a big issue bue also as a Dad don't think everything is "kosher".

Your opinions, please,
Let's be Frank

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#1252161 --- 02/04/11 07:02 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
Qwill Pen Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 05/17/08
Posts: 821
Loc: New York
I think I would be suspicious as a "hypothetical" parent. I think any offer for a free trip should come from the principal's office. Don't parents have to sign permission slips anymore?

Why not have the "hypothetical" father call the teacher up and politely ask for further information about the trip - where the funds are coming from, with whom would she share a room, etc.

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#1252168 --- 02/04/11 07:51 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
talkinmiss72 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/09/08
Posts: 182
Loc: Over there.
Doesn't sound "right" to me...I definitely would be asking more questions!!

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#1252169 --- 02/04/11 07:59 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
angelaboveme Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 1219
Loc: NY
The well meaning teacher should have proposed this idea to the parents, not the child. Irregardless of funds, the parents may not have consented to the trip anyways.
If it were me I would alert the principal of the offer. Take it higher if it's not taken seriously.
Definitely something is not right. Hypothetically speaking of course.
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#1252172 --- 02/04/11 08:06 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: angelaboveme]
Let's be frank Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 202
Loc: NY
Thank u all for your input - didn't sounds "right" to us either, so I just emailed the principal asking if they had such EXTRA funds for this trip. This thing really bothers us because our "hypothetical daughter" became an honor student in that class (and I check her homework - she is WAY up there!!! - her teacher is not showing any favoritism) - hope the teacher won't "retalliate" (by giving her poor grades) because we've asked principal a few questions about this. Again - thanks for your input!

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#1252175 --- 02/04/11 08:10 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
nizhoni Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/10
Posts: 456
Loc: U.S.
While the teacher should have sent a home a letter to the parents explaining this. I'm sure it's all innocent. Teachers develop caring attitudes towards their students and I'm betting that he may have felt bad that she couldn't go. Also, maybe the school does have extra paid spaces for children that can't afford it, so that they can feel a part of the group and not excluded from it. Talk to the principal but I also would not go to the point of bad-mouthing the teacher or making it a huge deal.

Originally Posted By: Let's be frank
Thank u all for your input - didn't sounds "right" to us either, so I just emailed the principal asking if they had such EXTRA funds for this trip. This thing really bothers us because our "hypothetical daughter" became an honor student in that class (and I check her homework - she is WAY up there!!! - her teacher is not showing any favoritism) - hope the teacher won't "retalliate" (by giving her poor grades) because we've asked principal a few questions about this. Again - thanks for your input!
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"Words divide us, actions unite us.

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#1252180 --- 02/04/11 08:37 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: nizhoni]
Let's be frank Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 202
Loc: NY
Oh no - definitely no one here is bad-mouthing the teacher!! I did ask Principal is they had such extra funds. Even if the answer is no, we would probably make an "excuse" why our daughter couldn't go.....sick relative, whatever. It could be her teacher just has a big heart and cares. That's why I put it before you all for answers. Thanks

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#1252182 --- 02/04/11 08:41 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: nizhoni]
hikingboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/06
Posts: 203
Wow........ I have to think the teacher was well intended and I do agree the idea of having a great hardworking student go on a trip would be a privilege , instead of one of those kids who gets a free ride, goes on the trip and raises hell the whole time. I'm thinking the intensions were good but the course of delivery was off.

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#1252184 --- 02/04/11 08:49 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
angelaboveme Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 1219
Loc: NY
At any rate, give that girl a hug and tell her how proud you are of her. Says a lot that she came to you and told you. Can I ask did she feel funny about the offer as well?
Well meaning or not, I believe teachers have plenty of workshops on how not to put themselves in a situation resembling this. If innocent, then this well meaning teacher may need further education on the topic.
The not so innocent side of this shows up all the time in the news, better safe than sorry where kids are concerned.
Bringing up the manner in which the offer was made to the teacher and principal both (perhaps ask for a meeting)can't hurt and does not constitute bad mouthing.


Edited by angelaboveme (02/04/11 08:50 PM)
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#1252186 --- 02/04/11 09:08 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: angelaboveme]
Let's be frank Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 202
Loc: NY
In my opinion, I felt she was unusually "tongue-tied" in repeating his words (normally she spits everything out!). She isn't that way normally. She kept saying "I don't know exactly how to say it, but...." - I don't want to put the teacher in jeopardy - but I did send a simple email to principal ASKING if there were extra funds. It could all be innocent; perhaps the principal can tell us if there were extra places available for free. Again - I VALUE all your input!

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#1252206 --- 02/04/11 11:31 PM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
NWofNYC Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 11/24/07
Posts: 884
Loc: 42.865245, -76.977403

Is your daughter "cool"?

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#1252236 --- 02/05/11 07:26 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: NWofNYC]
sassyone Offline
Silver Member

Registered: 05/26/01
Posts: 11439
Loc: Seneca Falls,NY,
I doubt that the SCHOOL has extra funds, after all, if they have extra funds for this, what budget item did this get put under. But it might be possible that there is a parent booster club or something that has made possible funds for things like this. Not part of the school budget.

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#1252237 --- 02/05/11 07:31 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
Perplexed Offline
Member

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 144
Loc: geneva
Originally Posted By: Let's be frank
Oh no - definitely no one here is bad-mouthing the teacher!! I did ask Principal is they had such extra funds. Even if the answer is no, we would probably make an "excuse" why our daughter couldn't go.....sick relative, whatever. It could be her teacher just has a big heart and cares. That's why I put it before you all for answers. Thanks


Not bad mouthing the teacher? hypothetically?? Really....not suspicious? really? Wow....

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#1252238 --- 02/05/11 07:36 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
Perplexed Offline
Member

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 144
Loc: geneva
Originally Posted By: Let's be frank
Let's say there is a school trip (overnight with chaperones) - and that it costs, but let's say we can't afford it. Hypothetically let's say we have a daughter of teen age. Hypothetically let's say one of her male teachers called her aside from all others and said "I know your parents can't pay for this trip but there are still 1-2 spaces" and you could go for free because it would be great if really "cool" (that's what she said HE said) kids like you could go.

My gut feeling is that my antenae as a parent went UP! If it had been a female teacher, I think my wife and I would've thought "OK"....am I wrong to be suspicious?

Would appreciate your input. Meanwhile - have thought to give an excuse why she can't go; don't want to make a big issue bue also as a Dad don't think everything is "kosher".

Your opinions, please,
Let's be Frank


Did it ever occur to you that perhaps this teacher can read between the lines and knows this child probably cant afford t but it would be a great educaitonal/social experience for the child? And because its a male teacher you are suspicious??? Thats horrible.... and quite frankly, if you were that suspicious, you should have taken care of it privately, not on a puboic forum... teachers get a bad enough rapp from society... What if the teacher just pushed this child aside and said.. oh well.. too bad for you... there are no other options.. then would you ave come on this forum and bashed the teacher for not caring? discrimination? Wow..... when does the teacher win???

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#1252242 --- 02/05/11 07:39 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Perplexed]
dottiehuckle Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/23/04
Posts: 3697
Loc: P-CS, NY
Did they have a money making "event" to help pay for said trip? Such as selling magazines,baked goods,car wash, if there was a money making venture to help pay for the trip maybe there is extra cash in that account. Just wanted to put that out there, might be worth asking.
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"That which does not kill me can only make me stronger."

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#1252243 --- 02/05/11 07:41 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
jojotaxpayer Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 2500
Loc: Ontario County
Is this "male teacher" a chaperone on the aforementioned trip ?

If not I think you are overreacting.

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#1252248 --- 02/05/11 07:50 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
Animal Lover Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 10/13/06
Posts: 1339
Loc: NY
I know of a very similar situation and there was nothing nefarious about it. An honor student wasn't able to go on a trip to DC because her parents couldn't afford it. Due to one student canceling and some extra funds (which I think came from fundraisers as someone else stated was a possibility in this situation) a female child was asked by a female teacher if she wanted to go.

The child said yes, and then the teacher told her to have her parents contact her. In fact, THREE additional kids were taken that couldn't afford to go. AND, when hearing about this I had to wonder if some teachers and other parents donated funds for good kids who deserved to go but who couldn't afford it. It wasn't my kid so I didn't ask.

I also agree putting this on a public forum without knowing the facts (before you got word back from the principal) is not fair to the teacher or the school. I realize people need to protect their kids but some restraint in this situation was warranted.

Do you realize you just put your teen-age daughter's personal business on a public forum? Do you realize how you may have embarrassed her and put her up for ridicule if people figure out who she is? IMO, you are foolish.

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#1252252 --- 02/05/11 08:01 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Animal Lover]
Perplexed Offline
Member

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 144
Loc: geneva
Originally Posted By: Animal Lover
I know of a very similar situation and there was nothing nefarious about it. An honor student wasn't able to go on a trip to DC because her parents couldn't afford it. Due to one student canceling and some extra funds (which I think came from fundraisers as someone else stated was a possibility in this situation) a female child was asked by a female teacher if she wanted to go.

The child said yes, and then the teacher told her to have her parents contact her. In fact, THREE additional kids were taken that couldn't afford to go. AND, when hearing about this I had to wonder if some teachers and other parents donated funds for good kids who deserved to go but who couldn't afford it. It wasn't my kid so I didn't ask.

I also agree putting this on a public forum without knowing the facts (before you got word back from the principal) is not fair to the teacher or the school. I realize people need to protect their kids but some restraint in this situation was warranted.

Do you realize you just put your teen-age daughter's personal business on a public forum? Do you realize how you may have embarrassed her and put her up for ridicule if people figure out who she is? IMO, you are foolish.


Agree.. well said!

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#1252267 --- 02/05/11 08:27 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Perplexed]
Let's be frank Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 202
Loc: NY
Well my intent was to get feedback (good and bad). I didn't mention nefarious intentions. I just didn't know if this was normal. There are cultural reasons it didn't seem normal to us. If the offer had come from the teacher to us, little would be thought of it. Another teacher had (in a previous year) paid for an event out the the goodness of her heart, but she firstly consulted with us, asked permission (long before telling our daughter "she could go") and we signed a permission slip. And if you feel the hypothetical teen has been embarrassed, then I would appreciate a moderator deleting the post.

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#1252280 --- 02/05/11 09:11 AM Re: Hairs standing up on my neck need input..... [Re: Let's be frank]
tryingtokeepup Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 1
Loc: NY, USA
So it would have been okay for a female teacher to offer the deal...

I believe I have some insight into this situation and know for a fact that "scholarships" are offered for several kids, boys and girls, throughout the year based on a variety of well intentioned reasons for class trips. Several student names are given to the chaperones of the trips, some trips are paid for by teachers/staff in the building, some are paid for by funds raised by the group. This teacher was probably given the name of your child and he just asked her. Although it is good to be watchful for your kid, give the teacher the benefit of contacting him to try to find out more.

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