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#105528 --- 01/15/05 02:25 PM Dear Cats & Dogs:
Ditchwitch Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 07/22/03
Posts: 3100
Loc: Muddy,Swampy Places in the Fin...
Dear Dogs and Cats,

-When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.


-The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for
it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.


-The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help
because I fall faster than you can run.


-I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when
they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.


-For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the
bathroom
for
years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.


-The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!


-To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message
on
our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to
Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.


2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)


3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.


4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and
cats are better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for money all
the
time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your
car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear
your
clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.


Thank you for listening, The Staff

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#105529 --- 01/15/05 02:53 PM Re: Dear Cats & Dogs:
grmpajak Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 02/06/04
Posts: 1888
Loc: Mozarks
ROFLMAO!! gotta pass this on! Thanks!
_________________________
"Grandchildren are my reward for not drowning my kids when they were teenagers!"

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#105530 --- 01/15/05 03:09 PM Re: Dear Cats & Dogs:
Strawberry Jam Offline
Diamond Member

Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 34421
Loc: Herkimer County NY
True to every word...lmao...but my cat and puppy found no humor in it..hmmm..go figure..lol

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#105531 --- 01/15/05 03:51 PM Re: Dear Cats & Dogs:
E. Mousie Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 15851
Loc: in my suite in the bookcase!
LMAO...that's too true. For every time I went to the bathroom...and Mazel or Capri would have fits cause the door was closed!
Mazel however figured out the door, and he knew how to turn lights on and off. He was frighteningly intelligent!
_________________________
sanity......hmmm, I can't even remember what that is!

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#105532 --- 01/16/05 06:08 AM Re: Dear Cats & Dogs:
AEGurrrl Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 1384
Loc: Right here!
-For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the
bathroom
for

I love this one. There are, for reasons unknown to me, two doors to our downstairs bathroom. Buster always follows me and waits. Sometimes I fake him out and use the one that we usually keep closed. Poor dog, I'm just mean! LMAO
years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
_________________________

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#105533 --- 01/17/05 03:25 PM Re: Dear Cats & Dogs:
KoDSC Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 10/06/04
Posts: 5746
Loc: Here.
My old house had that too. Thing is, dad would forget to close the doors and the cats would chase each other in the big loop around the bottom of the house...

My dog freaks if I even leave her line of sight. I step out of the room, behind the doorframe, she makes so much noise you'd think someone was attacking her!!

Our friend's one cat is very antisocial- unless you're in the bathroom. Then, he wants attention. He slams himself against the door until it pops open a bit, crawls thru, and sits in front of you mewing to be pet. umm... shoo kitty!!
_________________________
I came back! ZOMG!!

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