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#1013049 --- 04/22/09 10:51 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: ]
~Ellie~ Offline
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Registered: 05/28/00
Posts: 8233
Loc: FL1 Auxiliary Member 506
The best thing you can do for a bully is press charges. It's the only way the bully will get the help he/she needs.
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#1013474 --- 04/23/09 07:22 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: ~Ellie~]
Where's the love Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 10/16/04
Posts: 5841
Loc: Tahiti - I can dream...
behavior issues are not solved by having a child arrested. Just like eating disorders are not solved by taking away food (or forcing an anorexic to eat). The parents of the bullies would need to find the root of the issues that makes this kid act out. Unfortunately, if no one wants to step in - the kid will never get help.
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#1013803 --- 04/23/09 05:57 PM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: Where's the love]
Della Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 12/22/04
Posts: 16305
Loc: Seneca Falls
Sorry may not make me popular but I'm used to that \:\) I don't think it helps at all to intervene if it is just normal bullying/picking. It can make it worse. Kids need to learn some people are jerks. As I said if it gets physical by all means step in. However if it's name calling and such they absolutely need to learn to deal with mean people. The parents raised this bully and the school systems hands are tied as far as most of it goes. Either one is going to tell the bully which will escalate things.
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#1013831 --- 04/23/09 06:59 PM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: Della]
oops12 Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 3924
Loc: Absent
I agree with you. It's a part of life and you have to deal with criticism whether it's constructive or not. Kids have to learn how to "fight" it out on their own sometimes.

Like you said, unless it gets physical... I let my kids "battle" it out between themselves quite often. They aren't always going to be able to run to me everytime they have a problem. And they need to learn how to deal with each other and decide whether it's worth "fighting" for. Does that make sense?

But OTOH, words can hurt so much more than a fist does. People can be brutal.
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#1013835 --- 04/23/09 07:08 PM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: oops12]
Della Offline
Gold Member

Registered: 12/22/04
Posts: 16305
Loc: Seneca Falls
Originally Posted By: oops12
I agree with you. It's a part of life and you have to deal with criticism whether it's constructive or not. Kids have to learn how to "fight" it out on their own sometimes.

Like you said, unless it gets physical... I let my kids "battle" it out between themselves quite often. They aren't always going to be able to run to me everytime they have a problem. And they need to learn how to deal with each other and decide whether it's worth "fighting" for. Does that make sense?

But OTOH, words can hurt so much more than a fist does. People can be brutal.


And they will continue to be all through life.
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#1013839 --- 04/23/09 07:09 PM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: Della]
oops12 Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 3924
Loc: Absent
True.
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#1014047 --- 04/24/09 06:45 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: oops12]
skeptical Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/09
Posts: 205
Loc: lurking
My bullied son's last day on Earth
Story Highlights
Jaheem Herrera, 11, was frustrated with bullies calling him "gay" and "the virgin"

Boy came home happy, then mother, sisters found him hanging by belt in closet

Mother says she believe son killed himself because nobody was helping

Mom: "I lost my son and now something has to be done"
By Mallory Simon
CNN



ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Eleven-year-old Jaheem Herrera woke up on April 16 acting strangely. He wasn't hungry and he didn't want to go to school.

But the outgoing fifth grader packed his bag and went to school at Dunaire Elementary School in DeKalb County, Georgia.

He came home much happier than when he left in the morning, smiling as he handed his mother, Masika Bermudez, a glowing report card full of A's and B's. She gave him a high-five and he went upstairs to his room as she prepared dinner.

A little later, when his younger sister called him to come down to eat, Jaheem didn't answer.

So mother and daughter climbed the stairs to Jaheem's room and opened the door.

Jaheem was hanging by his belt in the closet.

"I always used to see these things on TV, dead people on the news," says Bermudez. "I saw somebody die and to see this dead person is your son, hanging there, a young boy. ... To hang yourself like that, you've got to really be tired of something."

Bermudez says bullies at school pushed Jaheem over the edge. He complained about being called gay, ugly and "the virgin" because he was from the Virgin Islands, she said.

"He used to say Mom they keep telling me this ... this gay word, this gay, gay, gay. I'm tired of hearing it, they're telling me the same thing over and over," she told CNN, as she wiped away tears from her face.

But while she says her son complained about the bullying, she had no idea how bad it had gotten.

"He told me, but he just got to the point where he didn't want me to get involved anymore because nothing was done," she said.

Bermudez said she complained to the school about bullying seven or eight times, but it wasn't enough to save him.

"It [apparently] just got worse and worse and worse until Thursday," she said. "Just to walk up to that room and see your baby hanging there. My daughter saw this, my baby saw this, my kids are traumatized."

She said Jaheem was a shy boy just trying to get a good education and make friends. Watch what experts say about bullying in schools

"He was a nice little boy," Bermudez said through her tears. "He loved to dance. He loved to have fun. He loved to make friends. And all he made [at school] were enemies."

Bermudez said she thinks her son felt like nobody wanted to help him, that nobody stood up and stopped the bullies.

"Maybe he said 'You know what -- I'm tired of telling my mom, she's been trying so hard, but nobody wants to help me,' " says Bermudez.

After Jaheem's death, the school board expressed condolences, saying the school staff "works diligently to provide a safe and nurturing environment for all students."

Trying desperately to understand what went wrong, Bermudez asked her son's best friend to recount what happened on the day Jaheem killed himself.

"He [said he was] tired of complaining, tired of these guys messing with him," Bermudez said, recalling the conversation with Jaheem's best friend. "Tired of talking, I think to his teachers, counselors and nobody is doing anything -- and the best way out is death."

Allegations of such severe bullying surprises experts familiar with the school district. It's anti-bullying program was considered exemplary and includes programs to raise awareness and a specially trained liaison. Students are even asked to sign a no-bullying pledge. But other parents told CNN they have complained about bullying as well.

Despite recent strides towards preventing bullying in schools and increased awareness programs, a Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network study showed that 65 percent of teens are bullied each year and most believe adults can't help them.

Less than a month before Jaheem's death, a boy in Massachusetts killed himself after being bullied, harassed and called "gay."

Eliza Byard, executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, says to be effective, awareness programs need to include education about the harm that can be done by teasing someone about sexuality or perceived sexuality.

"Anti-gay language is really the ultimate weapon for a bully who wants to degrade his or her peers," she says. "And any effective response to bullying has to take that on."

Bermudez doesn't understand why the children at school couldn't learn to get along. Because of it, she'll never get to see her son grow up.

"My baby, that's my only boy, and I lost him now," says Bermudez. "He was my first child and ... to lose him 11 years after, he didn't live his life."

She hopes her son's death will result in positive changes that will help other kids being bullied.

"Those that are being bullied -- they need to talk to their parents, they need to not hold back," she says. "I lost my son and now something has to be done."

CNN's David Mattingly and Mike Phelan contributed to this report.

All AboutSuicide








Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.html
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#1014049 --- 04/24/09 06:46 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: skeptical]
skeptical Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/09
Posts: 205
Loc: lurking
The bullies need to be arrested and sent away to a place such as Hillside or Lou Gosset Jr. where they can be "treated".
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I don't think we should question President Obama's patriotism or his intentions. Bobby Jindal

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#1015698 --- 04/28/09 06:40 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: skeptical]
~Ellie~ Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 05/28/00
Posts: 8233
Loc: FL1 Auxiliary Member 506
Originally Posted By: skeptical
The bullies need to be arrested and sent away to a place such as Hillside or Lou Gosset Jr. where they can be "treated".


I agree, don't hold your breath waiting for the parents to correct the situation. They're either in deinal or enablers.
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#1022261 --- 05/10/09 08:27 PM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: ~Ellie~]
Eomer Offline
Silver Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 12903
Loc: Temporarily Assigned
I have dealt with this in NY and NH and can say I never agreed with the way this is dealt with in NY. NH has it right in my opinion.

Dealt with it with both my girl and my boy, and for the record, boys have short memories and get over it fast; girls are cruel, heartless and never forget. It goes on and on and on and on.

Boys are generaly more logical thinkers, figuring after a while that this is not worth it. Girls are more emotional thinkers, wounds take longer to heal and need retribution.

As for how I dealt with it, rather not say its not politically correct.

As for how NH differs from NY, rather not say its not politically correct. And if you thought it was, well then you might move here and too many people from out of state would end up screwing up a good thing for us folks already in NH.



Edited by Eomer (05/10/09 08:55 PM)
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#1022702 --- 05/12/09 12:40 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: Eomer]
VM Smith Offline
Diamond Member

Registered: 11/28/05
Posts: 38160
Loc: Ship of Fools
"As for how I dealt with it, rather not say its not politically correct.

As for how NH differs from NY, rather not say its not politically correct."

If you're not going to explain what you're talking about, then it's a pretty pointless post, isn't it?
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#1022739 --- 05/12/09 05:11 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: VM Smith]
Eomer Offline
Silver Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 12903
Loc: Temporarily Assigned
VM you are way too meticulous.
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#1023190 --- 05/13/09 05:18 AM Re: Your opinion on bullies.. [Re: Eomer]
Eomer Offline
Silver Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 12903
Loc: Temporarily Assigned
I will tell you this; when class trips go out of state to locations where schools from around the country often visit, the touring companies hired to manage travel arrangements have commended, verbally and in writing how well behaved the schools in NH have been.

In fact, 8th graders in the district I currently live in for the past three years have received written kudos stating they had been the best behaved class the touring company had ever seen.

And the kids all say they had a blast too boot. Discipline and a good time? Say it aint so...

Alright now every one act happy or will take turns beating the crap out of each one of you when we get back home to NH.
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