Posted by: Josephus

2008 REPUBLICAN CONVENTION AGENDA (humor) - 04/01/07 01:58 PM

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance to George W. Bush
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
6:45 PM Salute to the Project for the New American Century
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary?”
7:30 PM Announcement: Mark Foley Was a Closet Democrat
7:35 PM Trent Lott - “Re-Segregation in the 21st Century”
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Dennis Hastert leads discussion: How to Shirk Responsibility and Get Away with It
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on “Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders”
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: How to Commit Perjury and Obstruction of Justice and Get Away with It
10:35 PM George W. Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice and Alberto Gonzales
10:46 PM Ann Coulter’s Tribute “Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot”
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy
11:10 PM Dick Cheney leads discussion: How to Shoot People, Cover It Up, and Get Away with It
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Bill Clinton
11:40 PM Twice-Divorced Newt Gingrich speaks on “The Sanctity of Marriage”
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of GW Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

Posted by: Josephus

Re: 2008 REPUBLICAN CONVENTION AGENDA (humor) - 04/01/07 02:01 PM

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:35 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15 P.M. Gay Wedding– Barney Frank Presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan- Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender- French President Jacques Chirac.
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.
9:30 P.M Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How Bush and Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers– Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals– John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation of Mrs. Rodham Clinton
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home